Everyone In This Room Will Someday Be Dead

by Emily Austin

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This truly felt like such a validating and comforting experience, which is so far from what was expected. It was like taking a trip into my mind from an outsider's perspective: so much of what happens in Gilda's mind is so eerily familiar I had to step and check that I was still listening to her thoughts and not my own.

I believe this is a realistic portrayal of the continuous bumbling, mumbling, stuttering, tripping, crippling, consuming, ticking, rambling, debilitating day to day life of someone who suffers with or observes untreated or unaccepted anxiety, addiction, depression, OCD, gried, guilt, identity issues, and suicidal ideation. Part of me wishes I had known the trigger warning or the extent of the thought trains Gilda was going to suffer through, but I also love and appreciate the fact that I didn't, because in life there are rarely trigger warnings - especially for your own mind.

I resonated with the role Gilda found herself playing as a queer person in the church: the fear of being caught or found out, the pretending to save face or social graces by pacifying those around you with who they think you should be (which also applied to Eli and led to his addiction) or feeling the constant guilt of lying to those around you and to yourself.

The feeling that your life is inconsequential but those around you are meaningful and not having the means to express or deal with that is reminiscent to me of Perks of Being A Wallflower and how Charlie can see and always wants to help other peoples' pain. The beautifully written perfectly long pseudo suicide note in the form of voicemails that Gilda leaves everyone she cares about when she thinks she's going to jail brought me to tears: it was the closest she got to a true confessional, a true conversation with God, a final unburdening of life and regret and love where she is finally able to feel none of her usual bars or masks or holding patterns.

It was a moment of pure and unfiltered grief for the life she thinks she will no longer get the chance to live, for the life she could have lived had she not suffered with her 'differentness', and for the life she feels she wasted already as those moments may exist in perpetuity but no longer in her memory.

Written in such a breathtaking, original way, this story was heartwarming, heart wrenching, eye opening, raw, and concise. Emily wrote Gilda to be so unforgivingly and unapologetically human that it's impossible to not find pieces of yourself or your own anxieties in her mind. I think the story served as a great reminder to Choose Happy, as cliche as it is, and to remember (as the last words of the book hang in the air) YOU'RE ALIVE!

For the unconventionality, uniqueness, and an unadulterated 'in her shoes' look into mental health, 5/5 stars. Shock factor from the validity and personality of the experience.

Audiobook - 7hr 45min

12.27.24 - 12.30.24