Endings and New Beginnings

"What has ended recently in your life, or what new thing has just begun?"

Whelp, three years and 5 days ago, I graduated from high school, and today, my last Spring semester of college has come to an end, and my last Summer semester is well under way. As much as it brings me joy to say goodbye to Physics 2, I am steadily becoming more aware of the fact that in a calendar year - God willing - I will be starting medical school!

Getting myself mentally ready for my graduation is difficult, mainly because I can't yet bring myself to realize the gravity that the statement comes with. These past 3 years have been a rollercoaster in my personal life, which has bled into my academics and all other facets of my mental development.

With all of the COVID-19 mess going on in the world right now, the racial tensions rising to near historic highs, and PRIDE month now among us, a lot of my identities are fighting for the spotlight in my head pushing me to evaluate all the endings and beginnings around me.

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I realize that there are so many ways that I could potentially contribute to the many causes I have the need to stand up for, but the most important of those is by taking my place, doing my part and voting. As simple as that sounds, it really is important. I grew up in a house where one of my parents very much did - and still does - play into the bipartisan nature of our country, and while I personally find a lot wrong with the system, I realize that there is no way to change it from the outside.

In order for there to be real change, we need to end the systematic oppression against marginalized POC in this country, we need to put people in office who fight for us and fight with us, who use the law for the good of all. I pledge to do my part as much as I can whenever I can, because whether we as Black people want to admit it or not, we all have some level of privilege.

I am discriminated against because of my identities, yes, but I am also very blessed and privileged to have been born in America, to receive a private school education, a charter school education and be a part of an international honors curriculum program. I feel I need to use the education and opportunity to stand up for those who have no voice, and help to highlight those who are using their voices.

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COVID-19 turned the tide and ushered in with it a new era in the world of mass fear and panic, widespread paranoia, and a type of isolation humans were not created to endure.This time in quarantine has been a blessing in disguise, and I thank God for that: although I may have had to endure the second half of the semester at home in the guest room with a tv-dinner-table as a make-shift desk, I have been able to spend the last 3 months with my parents who - despite my wish that time slow down - are getting older every day.

When I feel sad or upset or bored, I can go and crawl into my mother's arms or sit at my father's feet and look up to them and feel the hope and support that they exude from their auras. And boy have I needed that this past week. (I'll have a separate post about that)

Back in April I rededicated my life to Christ on a personal level and have since developed a level of wisdom and clarity I otherwise would not have come to this early in life. This reflection has allowed me to heal a relationship with my mom that has been broken for a decade. I have -for the first time - been able to properly understand and grieve the death of my Mother 18 years ago without the fog of false logic and outside ideals clouding my judgement of myself and the situation.

I have been able to feel a level of comfort that can only be felt in one's hometown, which has healed me mentally, allowing me to pause and take a long awaited deep breath. Sitting in my guest room, I am able to plan for and kickstart the future of my dreams with the help of those around me and a hint of the same hope that got me from highschool to college.

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One of the most daunting tasks immediately ahead of me is writing my personal statement to send along with my med school applications. Essentially, I have to answer to question of why I want to go to med school and why I would make a good medical candidate in 5300 characters or less (for context, at this point in this post, I am at 4276 characters).

So I figured, what better way to get prepared for that than actually trying to commit to this blog. Hopefully I will keep this up, but I'm also not going to beat myself up if I miss a personal deadlines. I feel like this is the perfect time in my life for the new beginning of fully loving myself with all of my personality flaws, attitude issues, and stumbles along the way.

My two current mantras:

"I am only human, but God is on my side."

"Within every masterpiece are hidden mistakes"